When Love Is a Lie - Narcissistic Partners & the (Pathological) Relationship Agenda - Zari Ballard

When Love Is a Lie - Narcissistic Partners & the (Pathological) Relationship Agenda

By Zari Ballard

  • Publication Date: 2013-06-10
  • Genre: Psychology
4.5 Score: 4.5 (From 74 Ratings)

Book Overview

Developing a codependency to a partner who has a narcissistic or psychopathic personality will cause nothing but turmoil in our lives. We stay in the relationship, thinking that we can "fix" this person and love them out of their bad behavior, but the truth is that narcissists - just like sociopaths and psychopaths - can never be fixed...not with love, therapy, or any magic pill Our codependency and suffering fulfills the narcissist's pathological relationship agenda and makes them feel alive.

Do the behaviors of your partner continually cause you to feel suspicious or uncomfortable? Are you being subjected to silent treatments and other forms of maddening passive-aggressive punishments? Do you find yourself walking on eggshells trying to avoid a hurtful silent treatment or narcissistic confrontation? Does it appear that your partner creates chaos (even during good times) just to keep you feeling anxious and insecure? Are you making yourself crazy trying to figure it all out? Answer "yes" to one or all of the above and it's likely you're involved with someone who a narcissistic personality disorder.

When Love Is a Lie is an informational anecdote that helps you to recognize the narcissistic abuse, understand your codependency to the chaos, and then get on the right path to mentally breaking free from the nonsense. Breaking free mentally is the key to breaking free altogether from someone with a narcissistic or psychopathic tendencies and Ms. Ballard provides a way to begin this process. She offers a logical perspective that comes complete with reasons for leaving that you simply can't argue against! It is a doable solution that will get you on the right path to becoming narcissist-free...

Understand how and why a partner with a narcissistic or psychopathic personality...

....will never be able to attain - or even pretend to have - the very special and love-worthy human qualities (the undeniable truths!) that are essential to life itself. Use these truths as a foolproof way to begin mentally breaking free from a narcissist!

....will, over time, deliberately and methodically manage down our relationship expectations so that we expect less and less and he gets away with more

....will use the Silent Treatment and similar demoralizing methods of control to punish those who dare to call them out on questionable behaviors

....will create constant chaos and turmoil even - and especially - during the "good" times as a tactic of keeping you in a heightened state of co-dependent anxiety

....will juggle many, many relationships at once - often for years on end - with no one being the wiser...not even you

....lies even when the truth is a better story

When Love is a Lie provides confirmation and validation that, indeed, you are neither alone nor crazy. This little book may just have the magic answer....the perspective you've been looking for...the reality check you need to leave the abusive lover and find your way back to the sane world...

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Users Reviews

  • The perfect fuel

    5
    By Blinders Are Off
    First off, thank you so much Zari, for writing this book. I've been reading tons of articles about narcissists and sociopaths for the last month. Currently under an N's thumb, I can now confidently see through all of his lies. I downloaded this book about 4 hours ago and read it front to back.. Which has confirmed that I in fact, am not crazy.. Although my N would suggest otherwise. I'm not sure how I plan to get out of this soul sucking relationship.. But I know when I finally make my move.. You'll be standing on my shoulder, cheering me on to stand my ground! I want to hug you and buy you dinner and drinks just so I can keep hearing more of your insight! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
  • This book was great!

    5
    By lizruz
    Amazing book. So eye opening. THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL EMPOWERED AND REASSURED!
  • Worth the time

    5
    By Raffa236
    This was an easy read, if I had the time I would have read it in one sitting. This is definately a book for someone who's already made the choice to walk away from their narcissistic ex....and it will help reinforce that you've made the right decision.
  • When love is a lie

    5
    By Shari Severson
    Just finished the book. The words thank you is not enough. I was thinking I need a counselor but it was Martin Luther king day. I bought this book and read it in 2 days ( I am not a reader ) I feel like I have the tools I need to end my situation cold turkey
  • Affirmation...

    5
    By TrueGrenadine
    I had liked to think that at 46 I was in tune with my life, I understood that I came from a significantly dysfunctional origin family and believed that my life struggles from a dysfunctional childhood were for the most part resolved... At 43 I became a widow after my wife of 16 years died of cancer... I was blessed with two young children. Life as a single dad was a bit frightening but I knew that this was the moment that I would move forward as a new family of three... I liked to think that life ahead would be better and that the universe would bring into our lives a new hope and a possibility of a new family. Three years later when I was 46 I met Lauren... and my life changed... Zari's book is a detailed and real experience full of energy and deep connections. I understand her experiences and interpretations as I lived a toxic existence very similar for three years long under the unrelenting oppression of my Narcissist GF Lauren. I'm now 49 and I and my family are free of her lies, manipulations, theft, cheating and soul tearing defamation of our very being... I still struggle with my trauma bond with her and in dark moments I pine deeply for her scent, voice and body. I sometimes feel that I am weak enough to condemn myself to another three years just to feel her body press against mine and listen to her whisper soft delicate lies into my soul... I know I can never go back... Zari's book is a must read for any soul struggling with Narcissistic Abuse and looking for affirmation of your intuition...
  • Really hit home

    5
    By Chrissyking1
    Thank you for writing such a heartfelt, truthful book. Made me realize I am not going crazy after all! This book has definitely opened my eyes to the npd sociopath and stop being a victim to this behavior. Thanks again!
  • Book description is incorrect and insulting

    1
    By Hautepants
    I would like to note that BPD is very different and almost opposite from narcissist personality disorder. In quickly scanning the book sample, the author makes no mention of borderline personality disorder. Whoever wrote the book description obviously didn't read it, or completely misunderstood it. Please update the book description.
  • GREAT Read!!!

    5
    By RonaldShaka
    Read it in a day. That's how good it is. I HIGHLY recommend this for anyone who can relate.
  • An uplifting eye opener

    5
    By StefaniPeace
    This book truly changed my life in the best way. After getting the finally word with the N and saying the final goodbye, I found this book and I have finally freed myself. Seeing how relatable all of these situations are has truly made me realize how wonderful of a person I am and I know there is a beautiful person out there for me who won't do even a sliver of what the N did. I know that no contact can be tough at the beginning, but you WILL heal. And it is beautiful <3 this book has helped me achieve that. Thank you!
  • Love this book

    5
    By Wendydes77
    This book has help learn so much about my Narc and I probably will reread this over and over! I wish I didn't end I could read this book for hours! Thanks zari Ballard for an amazing book!